Depression In Children and Young Teens

When someone tells you that children and teenagers can’t possibly experience Depression, they’re lying. Although it may be difficult to notice symptoms in children and teens, there are definitely signs which can help diagnose at an early age. Depression is a serious mood disorder.

While it is normal for children and teens to have up and down moods, it can be a sign of Depression or another type of mental health disorder. Below I will make a list of what signs and symptoms children and teens can experience.

CHILDREN:

• IRRITABLE – Children can often be in a very bad mood a lot of the time even if they have no reason, they can be sad and withdrawn from day-to-day activities that they once enjoyed.
• DECREASED ENJOYMENT – You will notice this if you see your child taking part in activities that they once really enjoyed and now it doesn’t seem to phase them, they may complain of being bored a lot of the time. 
• LOSE/GAIN WEIGHT – When dealing with Depression, some can develop an eating disorder, some children may lose their appetite and not want to eat or some can turn to comfort eating instead. 
• LACK OF ENERGY – Children may face the difficult of sleeping at night and be lethargic through the day. They also may complain of frequent headaches and tummy aches. 

TEENAGERS: While Depression can effect a lot of people in the same way, sometimes it is different for teenagers as they do kind of understand what they’re going through but it seems to affect them more. 

• MORE SLEEP – Teens may sleep more while suffering with Depression because it can make you feel exhausted, uncooperative, locked away so the only thing that teens feel comfortable doing is to sleep it off. Which is also a common symptoms in adults.
• HALLUCINATE – While I think it’s very rare for every Depression sufferer to experience this, some people with really severe cases may see or hear things that aren’t there and that may also be caused by another undiagnosed disorder.

CAUSES OF THIS? – Depression doesn’t necessarily need to have a cause for people to suffer with it but it is more than likely that such things (listed below) have happened to bring it to the surface.

• Stressful Events (Changing schools, divorce, losing family member)
• Medicine (Steroids and Narcotics)
• Family/Medical history/genes

Please note that I am not a professional health care advisor on mental health issues, I am just talking from experience and I hope this helps anyone with children who may have a slight inkling that they are not well. I cannot stress enough how important it is to be supportive because chances are, you don’t know what is going on and neither does your child. Please take this advice with caution and if you’re still not sure, even if you are, still take your child to your local GP to have them officially diagnosed. Thanks for reading!

STAY POSITIVE.

 

A Typical Week For Me

I haven’t posted for a while as I’ve been busy sorting crap out, (yes, shit happening to me…again). 

I’ve recently just got my sleeping pattern back into order, it’s still not as I would like it as I’m waking up at 4/5 o’clock in the morning and staying awake all day. I can be so tired and go to sleep really early and I still wake up multiple times through the night it’s so frustrating. So a few days ago, I was up bright and early ready for a nice hot summer day relaxing and I received a letter through the post stating that I have been sanctioned. I’m on employment benefits while I’m looking for work and sanctioned basically means they stop paying you for a certain length of time. They stated I wouldn’t be paid for 89 days which is almost 3 months and its AWFUL because I now can’t pay bills. 

When I applied for employment benefit, they asked why I left my previous job, and I told them it was due to my mental health issue (depression). I stated in the form that I filled out that I have proof if need be, and this was approx. 4 months ago. Only now did I receive the letter when I should have received it before I even got my first payment. So I ripped the letter up in anger then my mum taped it back together. 

So I rang the service centre to get a reconsideration notice so they won’t stop payments and I was passed over to different numbers and was on the phone for over an hour which was so frustrating. Finally got it sorted but it takes 28 days for them to look at the decision again so now I have to go over a month without any money so I’m going to be in even more debt. 

Things can’t get any worse I think…how wrong was I. So it’s 9pm last night, I go to sleep and I am awoken at 11pm by my drunk brother coming in and talking really loudly to pick up something when he had all day to do so. He had done this for weeks and it was really starting to annoy me. So obviously anyone who is awoken by loud noises gets angry, EVERYONE. So in my anger, I shouted “Fucking shut up man”. He went home and I went back to sleep. This morning I awake at 5am to 3 messages from him calling me fat, a slut, saying I need a treadmill and calling me fat about a million times, like I get the point, are you done?… 

Then he proceeds to tell me that I need to watch my back because the next time he sees me, he’s going to smack me all over, basically assault me. Then he threatens to beat up my boyfriend and blow up his car, says I am spoilt and I’m gonna get what is coming to me. All of this because I told him to shut up??? He definitely is all talk, he couldn’t harm a fly he just thinks he’s the dogs bollocks. I guess that’s what happens when you have a shit life and no friends and have to rely on alcohol and drugs to have a good time. No doubt he was clearly on some sort of wacked up drug. How pathetic. Then he messages my mum telling her that I need to watch my back and that I’m fat (again) and that I deserve to cry and that if my mum takes my side, he will disown all of us (which really, is no skin off our backs, it’s something we could only dream of) so really, despite all of his threats and name calling, he’s actually doing us a favour. But still, you don’t expect to receive threatening messages from your own brother. 

Me and my mum have now both blocked him on all social media sites so he can’t get in contact with us, everything that our family does for him and he is so ungrateful, I hate him so much. 

It’s friday evening and I am looking forward to seeing my friends. But surprise they can’t make it. So in one week, I am now poor, my confidence has deteriorated and I have major low self-esteem due to being called fat god knows how many times. Now my friends bail on me. Wow, are things ever going to get better? If there is a god, he must fucking hate me.  

Mental Health Should Be Taught In Schools

In school, you’re taught about English, Maths and Science and these are very important subjects in life. But the rest…are bullshit. Unless you want to be a Historian, no one needs history, no one needs Religion, PE is good as you get maximum TWO lessons per week where you can be active but I’m pretty sure when you’re in school, you’re active enough. Art, Health & Social, Childcare, Design & Technology, Food Class, etc, they have been completely useless to me. You should be able to choose what classes you want to take depending on what you want to perceive a career in. 

I did well in English and Science, Maths was just awful for me, I took one on one classes in primary school AND high school and I didn’t improve, some people just aren’t good at certain subjects and I think that is something teachers need to realise instead of forcing it on students. In school, we learn about history, geography, religion, we are taught these things to acquire information, but do they really help us? NO. I rarely paid attention in History because my teacher was constantly talking about her family life, whenever we did learn anything, we were given text books to read from and that was it. NEVER paid attention in Geography because the teacher was an idiot, if a student was talking during class, she’d stop talking and call them out and ask them to share what was so funny with the class. Not gonna lie, I was one of them, still don’t regret it to this day, it was a funny day. 

But my point is, none of her teaching methods made sense, she’d bring up a picture on the projector then give us information about that country or city, we were never given work to hold the information in our minds. It’s been talked about to acquire teachers to teach budgeting money to students so they know how to use their money when they get a job and not waste it and end up with nothing at the end of every month and struggle to get by. I think this is a great idea. The subjects that are taught to us are good, they can give us information and knowledge but they won’t improve how we perform when we get a job so for me, they’re completely fucking useless.

I definitely do agree that Mental Health should be taught in schools so it gives people the knowledge on how to handle it if it ever happens to them or someone close to them. But because it isn’t, people hide it because they don’t want to get bullied for it and I think that is just awful. School never really teaches us how to become an adult or deal with being an adult when we struggle and I think that is what would be really useful to students. 

I am also sick of Uni students being able to live comfortably and then slate others for being on benefits. There is literally no difference, the money that we receive does not belong to either of us, it is the governments. Carrying on the subject of students, I’m still yet to meet ONE person who’s attended University and actually got a job in their field. What was the whole point of going to Uni for 3+ years to then get a job in a shitty retail shop? See my point? All they care about is the money. I’m not saying all students who attend Uni are the same but its very few folk who are successful. You know what I wanted to do? I wanted to attend University to get a career in Forensic Science and one day become a Crime Scene Investigator, but no matter how hard I tried, I could never get the grade I needed in Maths to attend Uni. So that was my dream crushed and to see all these fucking idiot students waste their opportunity astounds me. 

I may have went off topic but issues like this one does get people down. It makes ME down that I know I can never attend University. People seem to forget that the harder you work, the more it pays off. So if you are a University student who spends their loan on alcohol and nights out and you complain you’re not getting anywhere, that is your own fault. I know that if I ever got the chance to go, I would completely dive in head first and work so hard to get where I wanna be. Then in the future if I ever had a job in the career I wanted, I would be completely confident that I made enough money and love what I do to give myself, my partner and my future children the life they deserve. 

People who don’t appreciate what they have just fucking ticks me off. I think what annoys me more is you have people with mental health problems, even without, worrying about how they’re going to proceed in life because they aren’t particularly in a great position, all they want to do is be successful and for once be proud of themselves for accomplishing such things, because nobody else is going to tell them. Then you have these stuck up idiots worrying about what they’re going to wear to a club on a Friday night. 

Mental Health is a serious topic that NEEDS to be brought attention in school so that students can recognise signs in themselves and within others and help themselves and each other. Take it from me, I was in a good paying job 3/4 months ago, then my depression came back and it’s completely fucked my life up so now I’m trying to start my life up again from rock bottom. The more it is taught in schools, the more it will be accepted into companies that employ you. 

I apologise if I’ve came off a little hostile in this post, these kind of things just infuriate me. I am so sick of people receiving things they DO NOT deserve and you have someone who has worked hard all their life to receive fuck all.

Thanks again for reading guys! XO

 

The Physical Effects That Come With Depression

Anyone who says Depression is just in the mind is an uneducated idiot. Part of it is technically in the brain but it effects you physically, a great deal too. Depending on how severe your depression is, symptoms can vary. It is massively frustrating that mental health issues sometimes aren’t classed as a disability because as well as actual physical illnesses, they can hinder the way you think, the way you perform actions on a daily basis and can make simple things such as brushing your teeth a very difficult task. I’m going to list and give information on some of the effects that people can suffer with. 

INCREASED ACHES & PAINS – I am a genius in this department, there literally is not one day when something isn’t physically hurting. At one point I was getting really worried, some days I can have really bad headaches and migraines that I just cannot stand to open my eyes to having constant shooting pains in my arms and my legs, as well as just genuinely feeling sick. I have been to see a doctor multiple times because of this, I got the same answer every time; “Nothing wrong, seems fine on this end just take it easy”. THE SAME THING EVERY DAMN TIME. I have put up with it for years so I’m used to it now and can put up with it, but sometimes the pain is so bad that I have to hit or nip myself really hard to distract me from the pain. The pains can effect anywhere on your body so if this is a symptom and you don’t suffer with a mental health problem and nothing seems to be wrong, get a second opinion, you never know. 

CHRONIC FATIGUE – There are three different phases to this symptom which are:

1. MILD – You’re able to care for yourself fine and can complete simple daily tasks but you may need days off from work to rest.

2. MODERATE – This is where you have reduced mobility, where you really struggle with things such as; eating, going out, walking places, bathing etc. You will experience disturbed sleep patterns where you may not be able to sleep at night and have to sleep through the day or having short or longer cycles of sleep than usual. 

3. SEVERE – This is where it gets really difficult to even deal with minimal daily tasks such as getting out of bed, going to the toilet, bathing, brushing teeth, talking, ignoring responsibilities, sleeping all day AND night and never moving from your bed. This also causes you to have difficulty concentrating, for example, if you’re at work or school and you need to figure something simple out such as; working out a Maths question or deciding what task you need to do next at work. Your mind will go completely blank and you get really confused and forget what you even need to do. You try to take things slow because you feel like you’re panicking for no reason and that’s when the Anxiety starts to set in. Such little and simple tasks an able person can perform within 1 minute can take you from 1 hour to a whole day. I have personally experienced this and my boss noticed my work load decreasing. 

DECREASED INTEREST IN SEX – You may find yourself enjoying sex with your partner frequently and all of a sudden, you don’t feel like it, you think it’s just a phase but then it starts to last for a very long time, is it really a phase? No. It is a genuine problem and it does create issues in the relationship and it’s important that your partner knows that you do suffer with depression because of this. I don’t really know what you could do to make it better as I struggle with it myself, but that’s what the internet is for right? There should be plenty of websites to give you advice on the subject.

INSOMNIA – You find that a while ago, you had a great sleeping pattern, maybe you’ll go to bed at 9/10pm and wake up at a reasonable time the next morning. Then you find yourself not being able to sleep at night, no matter how hard you try, it just won’t work. You can lie there for hours with your eyes closed but never fall asleep. Because of this, you’re falling asleep at the time you would normally wake up, or maybe you don’t even feel tired the next morning and you struggle with this until you start hallucinating and just pass out. It’s definitely not healthy and I struggle with this on a regular basis. It’s the reason why I’m writing this post at 3:20am. Doctors say try not to have any contact with TV or a phone a few hours before going to sleep, don’t do exercise before going to sleep or eat or drink. But c’mon, who really follows them rules? The best advice I can give is to stay busy and active during the day so you can tire yourself out. 

IRRITABILITY – This is a HUGE one for me, I find that some people just really fucking piss me off even when they haven’t done anything wrong. Just seeing their face or hearing their voice literally makes me want to go up to them and just hit them repeatedly until they’re on the ground. These thoughts aren’t healthy. Don’t worry, you’re not some secret psychopath. It IS normal to experience this with depression. It’s something you need to be really careful with because sometimes it is hard to keep your irritability to yourself and you can unleash hell on someone else with harsh words and actions and it can really cause ruptures in your relationship with people. You snap and you’re nasty to others, my advice is, when you can feel it coming on, just walk away, tell them you need some time to yourself, go to your room, go for a walk, cool down. Just get out of the company that you’re in. It may be hard to do at first but I have went years dealing with is undiagnosed, on my own, no support and no medication. It can be done. 

Bare in mind that these are not all the symptoms that can occur, these are just SOME of them. But I do urge anyone who is suffering with these to please get checked and see a doctor, in the long run it will be beneficial to your health as it may not even be a mental disorder. It could be something physical that needs treated and even if it is mental, you can be diagnosed early on and get the help and medication you need to be stable and allow yourself to live, not only for others, but for yourself. Thanks for reading guys, stay positive 🙂

Things Can Still Be Difficult

No matter how well you’re doing, things can still be a struggle and can still be difficult. I mentioned I wasn’t feeling 100% myself and that I felt a little better, well the last few days I’ve felt worse. I’m having trouble sleeping again, I can go to bed early and not wake up until afternoon time, I can never seem to get the right amount of hours, I either sleep too much or too little. I’ve just been feeling very unmotivated with everything, not really wanting to talk to anybody, the more down I feel, the more it hits me physically. I feel worn down and exhausted and I’m really irritable, I’ve been non stop snapping at my mum all week and I just feel awful about it. 

I’m struggling, I’m still looking for work and it’s just not happening, I feel like I won’t be able to carry on in the career I was in because I’m just getting rejected here, there and everywhere and I don’t know why. I have bills to pay which I can’t pay because I just don’t have enough money right now and this is why it’s so important that I get a job ASAP. Asking for help isn’t an option either so I’m just stuck not really knowing what to do at the minute. I don’t even see my friends much any more, all week I have asked them if they were busy or if they wanted to do something and people just make excuses instead of telling me straight that they don’t want to see me or something, I don’t know. 

The only person who keeps me sane and normal is Liam, my boyfriend. I only see him on the weekend (Saturday night and half of Sunday) as he is working non stop right now which is no way his fault and it’s good for him as he can earn more money for himself. But I can’t help but feel it’s going to be this way for a while, it’s starting to get to me now that I can’t spend just one full weekend with him, life is hard and no one said it would be easy and we have to deal with it, but it can be difficult, I’m hoping this is just a phase I am going through and hopefully everything will work out fine, but right now I just feel like everything is going to shit. I’m trying to stay positive but it is easier said than done, I just hope things change soon. 

Little Things You Can Do To Help Someone With Depression

• ENCOURAGE HELP – If you know someone close to you who suffers with Depression, it can be very difficult to talk to them because you may not understand it yourself. It can also be hard work to talk to them because sometimes they do not want to talk. As a sufferer, I can reassure you that the only thing that person wants is help, they are too afraid and shamed to admit it. Please don’t just give up, they will lie and say they are fine and do not need help but they are lying, you know it, your gut knows it, they know it but it is far too complicated to even describe. Saying little things like “I will always be here for you” can go a long way. When you say it, make sure you mean it too, because if you talk but take no action, it could possibly make them worse. Sometimes, what someone wants is for someone to just hug them tight and tell them it is going to be okay, because it IS.
• TEXT/CALL – A nice little text can make a huge difference, sending a text to a loved one suffering even saying things like “How are you today?” can really help, you may not think it does, it takes less than a minute and you would be surprised how grateful someone could be at that little action you decided to take. Even calling them and just asking them about their day or talking about things that don’t even matter, for example, talking about the weekend, what they have planned and even having a little gossip, every little thing is a huge factor in helping someone with Depression. 
• RESEARCH – You may not know anything about Depression and you may not know what to do and you may not understand it, this is why it is extremely important to research it. I had to take my own mother to my doctors appointment so my doctor could tell her that what I was suffering from was real and that it was a very serious condition and should not be taken lightly. A bit of research could never hurt anyone. 
• DON’T BLAME – I know it can be very upsetting and frustrating to someone who does not understand this condition, especially if it’s a daughter or a son. Just because you can’t understand, it does not mean you can blame the person for feeling the way they do. It may be awful to hear but having this condition, you tend to take what people say to you very seriously and it can really hurt. Hurt to the point you can actually feel your heart breaking. You may not believe me but unless you have experienced this, you will not know. It is easier said than done and I know it can be easy to lash out because this person will not let you in but it is a matter of life and death that you tread very carefully if they are really vulnerable. One hurtful word or sentence can really send someone over the edge and cause them to act without reason, to act without caring. This is why researching Depression can guide you into helping someone. A kind word or sentence can change someone’s life around. Someone could be right there ready to end it, and one person says something like “Think about this, stop, you do not need to do this, you are an important person and you are not alone”. Say a simple thing like that and someone has just put their life in your hands and trusted you. Do not let them down. 
• BE PATIENT – Recovering takes time, as does any mental/physical conditions. When someone has agreed to get help, you cannot expect them to be happy and jumping around within a a week. The healing process can take months, if not weeks. Sometimes they will feel better in a few weeks but it really just depends on the person. While checking in on them and waiting for them to improve, please make sure there is always someone for them to talk to and a doctor, if someone hasn’t received the support they thought they would get, they can relapse and it all starts again, being patient is essential.
• LOOK FOR TRIGGERS – This can include someone completely locking themselves away from the outside world, not communicating, being very quiet and looking upset during gatherings or outings, wearing clothes that cover every inch of their body if they normally wear dresses or t-shirts etc, not bathing, not eating, lashing out, never having something positive to say, negative statuses on social media. You get the point, it can be really hard to spot someone suffering with Depression because they may not know it themselves. Normally your gut will tell you something isn’t right. Isn’t the human body just fascinating? 

I know that some people won’t like or agree with what I have said but that’s just it, suffering with a mental health condition is a real problem that needs to be taken seriously. It is also a very fragile thing to confront because there are so many different stages people can be at. But if you can send someone one text every day to make sure they are okay, it can really help them, you have to make sure they know that you are willing to be there for them whenever they need you. But you have to be careful and know how to handle it as trying to support someone with this condition can even cause Depression in yourself so it is important to care for yourself also and I know juggling the two can be extremely difficult. Try not to do everything for them, they need to know how to stand on their own two feet, if things get really bad, well, that’s what doctors and therapists are for.

The Medication

So as I have said in my previous posts, I was taking medication in November of 2016. What I have always taken is Citalopram. Now, Citalopram is an anti-depressant in the group of drugs called Selective Serotonin Re-uptake inhibitors (SSRI’S), it is used to treat depression, it also may be used for different purposes. Young people may experience suicidal thoughts when they first start these anti-depressants so it is dire that you closely watch your mood and notice any changes, if it worsens, you should inform your doctor. Citalopram can impair your thinking and reactions so if you drive it is always a good idea to consult your doctor about this as it is possible to cause you to be drowsy and driving is not recommended. 

One thing you should know, I should probably take them probably for the rest of my life, but I don’t. I only ever take them when I am going through an episode of Depression which may seem stupid to you. I think, I do not need them, I am a stubborn person and I have far too much pride and I will not allow myself to rely on or become addicted to this medication to feel normal, I can make myself feel normal, it is really difficult but my point still stands. There will be a lot of people out there that possibly won’t be able to function without it which I completely respect but I am not one of those people. Depression does not affect me every single day. I do not feel depressed every day, I can go months without feeling depressed which is really great but I know it’s only a matter of time before it happens again and then it can take 2+ months to recover. I am quite lucky because I have never had to have a stay in hospital or visit a Rehabilitation Centre. It feels very strange to me because when it hits, it’s awful, it just takes you away from everything. Before I was diagnosed, I always thought that if you struggled with a mental health condition that you struggle every single day and you would never be normal again but that is not the reality of it at all. 

I must have been 19/20 when I first took medication, when I did, the doctor did warn me before hand that it may make me feel worse and that is normal. But surprisingly I was feeling so much better after just a few days of taking it. I couldn’t believe it, it was like I had never been depressed at all. So when I got better, I stopped taking them because every time it happens, I always think “this is not permanent, it is temporary and I don’t need this medication when I am feeling normal” and I still feel that way. I was on 10mg and I was surprised at how good I felt from such a low dose. Skip forward a few years, here I am again. Showing my doctor my arm that I basically shredded to bits and he got a nurse to bandage it up for me, which I felt good about because I wasn’t judged and they were really helpful. One thing I did not like is I was passed over to different doctors so it was rare that I seen the same one when I visited regularly. So this different doctor, put my dosage up, not sure why as I was improving on the 10mg. He increased my dosage to 20mg, things went downhill from there. Believe me when I say an extra 10mg is a massive difference. 

When I was feeling a little better, I still took them because I knew I wasn’t my normal 100%, and I began to feel neutral, like I had no feelings, nothing upset me and nothing made me happy, I could have never imagined what feeling absolutely nothing was like. It’s funny because even though you feel nothing, you still feel confused and pissed off at the fact you’re not feeling anything, it’s ironic isn’t it? Then if that wasn’t bad enough, I started to have awful nightmares. Nightmares I can’t even begin to describe because they were so horrific. I couldn’t get more than 2 hours sleep a night, I was waking up with sweats, shaking feeling sick. It was awful. I told my doctor and he said it is a side effect and to keep taking them and they’ll eventually subside. But 3 weeks passed and I just couldn’t take it any more. So once I was feeling better again, I stopped taking them. That must have been December last year so I have went almost 5 months without any problems. I have been feeling not quite myself for a couple days which is why I haven’t posted, I found myself yet again, staying in bed and not coming out of my room unless I needed the toilet or needed to get a drink. It is so hard to just “snap out of it”, I just wait until it passes and it can take a very long time. Luckily it only lasted a couple days and I feel okay now, I’m still not 100% but it’s not affecting me so much that I can’t function. I have learned to fight it alone, which is bad because you should never face it alone but that was what I was used to so it is hard to get out of the habit. I don’t want to tell someone and make them worry for no reason. 

I do still have the medication, I keep it there for when I need it, I do still have another prescription which I haven’t collected yet. You may not agree with my method of dealing with my Depression but that’s just it, everyone deals with it in their own way and this is the only way I want to deal with it. I’ve pretty much covered everything I needed to in this post, but I must say, always read the leaflet you get in the package of your medication, knowing the side effects and being able to notice them means you’re already a step forward because you are able to differentiate your own feelings and how the medication is affecting you, you will know that it’s not you that has these feelings but the effects of the medication you are taking. Any major changes you suffer with, you should always consult your doctor to be on the safe side. 

I still can’t believe the following I have received from this blog, I honestly expected nothing from this, maybe I had little hope but it has completely changed around and I am extremely grateful for everyone reading, I really hope that my insight to mental health helps you, it is all I want to achieve. Thank you so much again for reading!!!

It is also a smart idea to research the medication you take or about to take so know all the side effects and dangers as well as allergic reactions etc. It’s always important to have knowledge about these kind of things. Stay positive.

Telling Your Parents

This time a year ago, I would have never of dreamt of telling my parents about what I was going through, I felt like they wouldn’t understand and I was not wrong. But I was completely ashamed of myself, I had lost all of my confidence in even talking to people or communicating with anybody. When I told my mum, she didn’t understand, she cried and felt like it was all her fault and that she was a failure as a parent and it broke my heart in two. Seeing her like that felt worse than my Depression. It is completely indescribable and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone, not even my worst enemy. I was so worried about what my parents would think of me, at first, my mum never really understood it and it took me walking out without saying a word, leaving and staying at my boyfriends for a few days for her to realise that I was really not okay. My dad died in 2010 so I never really had him to talk to as he died before all of this started. But my stepdad, has suffered with Depression and I could talk to him about some things but not where I would feel comfortable. So it was kind of the same with my mum. I just felt like they didn’t believe me and it fucking hurts. I felt like they were not supportive at all.

I finally made up with my mum and she came to see the doctor with me and my doctor gave her some advice and a leaflet about mental health conditions and I am still not happy that I had to take her to my doctor to make her believe that I actually wasn’t well. But it finally got better. She finally decided to talk to me about it and now if I feel an episode coming on, I can tell her about things, I talk to her about pretty much everything now, I rant to her and let some steam off which really helps. I do still feel that she will never understand properly which is fine, because unless you go through it, you never will. But I have the utmost appreciation for people who do not understand and have someone close to them who goes through it. Because, us having mental health issues, we don’t know how it feels to deal with someone who are just like us. Hence why we feel alone right? I know that when I’m having an episode, I would rather lock myself away and deal with it alone and ignore people than drag them down too. But I know that makes our family and friends worry. 

The point is, we should be really grateful for the people that are there for us and we don’t even realise it. If we say “Leave me alone”, they will, because if they try to do anything else, they feel like they’re going make you feel worse. But in reality, telling someone to go away and have them tell me to shut up and give me a tight hug and tell me its going be okay is what I really want. But I could not stand to see someone I love go through what I do. It would break my heart and I can’t even imagine it so I can’t imagine how my parents felt that day. Even if you feel like you’re alone and that your parents won’t understand, I really suggest just sitting them down and telling them. You’ve known your parents all your life so you would have an idea about how they will react. So if you trust them enough, please, just tell them, anyone, someone!!! I cannot stress enough how important it is for someone close to you to know, because if they don’t, you may make a huge mistake, and it’s not you who has to deal with it. It is everyone else close to you and then they will blame themselves and think “Why didn’t I ask?”. But the reality of it, is the fact if someone knows, even just one person, it can make a HUGE difference to your life. 

I still have bad days, everyone does but the fact I’ve gained the confidence to make a blog about this and make it public to everyone just goes to show things DO get better. They always will, I promise. I hear about people committing suicide and it’s heartbreaking because obviously they never had the support I eventually had. But as my title says “The bravest thing to do is to continue to live when you want to die”. You learn from your mistakes as does everyone, you make one mistake and you learn that you need to deal with it differently this time and this is what makes us humans amazing. Our brains tell us that what we did last time was not good, so we can make it better this time. We are in charge of our own lives, if you really want to change something, you can, I am living proof. 

I will be completely honest, when I started this blog a few days ago, I never thought anyone would even give it a read or a second look, but I have received messages from people I don’t even talk to, thanking me and praising me for bringing up an issue that is so taboo. I have had random people contact me telling me that I am their inspiration and honestly, I have cried, because in the first few days I have already made a difference to peoples lives. If I can do it, you can do it. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

“To know you’re suffering and admit it, is the greatest step forward in Mental Health”

I just want to thank everyone for reading my blog, I can’t even tell you how much it means to me, I’ve always wanted to make a difference to peoples lives and now that I finally am, the feeling is more than euphoric. I love all of you so much, I’ve never felt so much happiness and I am so proud of myself. Everyone who reads this, your view counts, it really does. As I said in my very first post, if anyone is really struggling, my email address is in the ‘About’ page as well as 2 links that you can click where you can talk to professionals. 

XO

Mental Health in the work place

Mental Illness at work is a very taboo subject among today’s society, it has been for years although it has improved, there are always going to be companies that don’t necessarily follow the guidelines. This is why it is important to know your rights while dealing with a mental illness at work. You may not have always known you had a mental health condition, maybe you’ve just been diagnosed and you’re worrying about telling your boss or co workers, you will be scared and confused about your condition yourself so it can be a lot of pressure to tell people at work. I have researched a lot about this subject before putting forward my advice and opinion, I have taken inspiration from other websites such as Mind, I will include the five ways to taking care of yourself, but will include the link below which will lead you to the Mind website. 

It will always be difficult to confront the issue at work, I find the best way to do this is maybe tell a co worker first. You don’t have to tell them exactly in detail but know that if you trust them enough that you can tell them you’re not feeling yourself, I guarantee they will support and be there for you. Even speaking about how their weekend went or what they have planned the weekend following, talking about anything that will interest you and make you listen sometimes does tend to distract you and make you feel a little better. I find it’s a better decision to talk to people face to face with it rather than sending an email or text, I learnt that the hard way. What I did, was text my co workers instead of telling them face to face because I just felt so ashamed and embarrassed and I realise now, I didn’t need to be. It got a lot better when they did start to ask me if I was okay and that’s when I realised that they were really concerned and that helped a little. But there was always that knot in my stomach knowing that I’d eventually have to tell my boss which I was not looking forward to because I hadn’t heard good things about him already.

A while went by and I started to get worse and he was asking questions about why my work load was decreasing. That is when I decided to tell him and he had asked me how long I had been dealing with it and if I was on medication. I wasn’t on medication at the time because I had not been to get any from the doctor. There were a couple times where he would bring me in the office and ask how things were going which actually made me feel a lot better and I didn’t know what I was worrying about. But I was up and down for weeks to the point I just had to take sick leave because I felt myself getting worse. After that, there were a lot of issues which I won’t get into because I don’t want to bad mouth anyone so it came to the point where I just had to go, there was no re-considering or talking, it was just plain and simple which deep down, pissed me off and got me down I won’t lie. But then I felt a little bit of happiness as I didn’t have to feel the way I did any more at work as people were making me feel worse for absolutely no reason. One time, I was actually fired because I apparently didn’t hand in my sick notes which I did and I had proof and the boss rang me 10 minutes later after sacking me saying he had “mysteriously found my sick notes”, how do sick notes get lost? After that I realised he didn’t want an employee working for him with a mental health condition because it didn’t fit his expectations. It was completely unprofessional and illegal, everyone told me to take it further and I just couldn’t deal with that at the time.

It is a really difficult subject to talk about because there are ways that employers can fire you or get rid of you if you don’t know all of your rights.

The Equality Act – Protects you from discrimination when you are applying for a job, at work, made redundant or dismissed. If you want to be protected, you have to tell your employer, not all employers are the same and may be really supportive, but you have to remind yourself and them that it is illegal to discriminate. Once you say this, I can definitely say they will be careful about what they say and where they tread. This is just The Equality Act 2010 for England and Wales.

https://www.rethink.org/living-with-mental-illness/mental-health-laws/discrimination

Five Ways to wellbeing – https://www.mind.org.uk/workplace/mental-health-at-work/taking-care-of-yourself/five-ways-to-wellbeing/

Thank you for reading, every view counts! Always remember, when you’re really struggling…”Tomorrow is a new day”. 

Being comfortable in public

So today I met up with a few friends. We had a lovely meal at Frankie & Bennies which is an American/Italian restaurant, the 4 of us pretty much had the same thing, I opted for the Loaded Potato skins with a sour cream dip which was really tasty, slightly burnt on the outside but not enough to spoil it. For my main I had a tasty burger with Monterey Jack cheese, lettuce and tomato with a side of chips and coleslaw. We were so stuffed from our starters we pretty much left some of our mains. My friends opted for the fish and chips, hot dog, and pulled pork wrap. It’s always extremely important to stay humble and surround yourself with people you feel comfortable with. It’s always a great thing to go out and socialise, it sort of keeps you grounded and feeling normal, it is easier said than done but if you can, take a walk, see your friends, keep yourself busy, you will be amazed at how much can distract you. 

Me and my friend Rosie have been friends for almost 7 years now, Rosie suffers with Bipolar and Anxiety, things can be really hard for her, even things like going out and seeing friends and that’s okay. Don’t ever let someone tell you it is not okay to feel things like that. I will be working with Rosie closely in future posts as long as she is comfortable with it. She also has a blog about her journey which I will post at the bottom and I advise you to check it out, Depression is not the only mental health condition out there so it can really help people if mine is just not the kind of condition they are looking for advice on. 

I cannot stress enough how great and important it is to find advice and support, from anyone, you would be surprised at how many people can be in the same boat as you. I didn’t always have Rosie to talk to and she didn’t always have me, it was when we found out about each others conditions that we really connected. What we did today – lovely meal, a walk around the city, sitting in the sun and talking, it was really therapeutic. I talked about the plans I had for my blog and with her and she was really enthusiastic about it. I am still getting used to posting and talking about things publicly so my posts may not make enough sense for you yet, I’ve only been doing this for 2 days. There a lot of issues that do need to be brought up and here is where I will be discussing them. Please like and leave a comment if you liked this post, thank you again for reading. Will be posting a lot more regularly than I thought! Keep an eye out 🙂

Rosies Blog: https://rosiesblogorg.wordpress.com