Introduction

I started this Blog because I’m a big supporter of Mental Health and it’s a really sensitive topic within today’s society. I suffer with Depression and unfortunately a few years ago I made a few attempts to really hurt myself, it was definitely not my proudest moment. Depression is such a hard thing to describe. People always think you’re just over reacting and feeling sad for no reason and always tell you to smile or cheer up. The reality is, that it’s such a sensitive subject as a lot of people don’t believe it’s an actual condition. They always say it’s in the mind, which is true but it’s completely different to the way they mean it. 

Having depression is like being so happy one day and a few bad things could happen and it can just bring you down, you over think things, you think no one wants to hear your problems, you think no one cares about you. It’s something that affects you to the extent that you can’t even stand to want to wake up or get out of bed in the morning. You think “What is the point?”, nothing can get you to move, even needing the toilet or needing to take a shower or a bath, or even eating. You just lie there 12 hours a day and lock yourself up away from people, you can either lie there and stare at the walls or cry and sleep for far too long where it starts to make you physically unwell, you just can’t function like a normal person.

It took me years to finally tell my parents, and get seen by a doctor. I drank in my room by myself one night and I was feeling awful and I realised I didn’t want to feel alone any more so I woke my Mum up and told her everything and I showed her all the cuts I made on my body. She was in tears and it was awful. I was then forced to go to the doctor and was put on medication. I took it for a while but then I thought I was fine. I’m a stubborn person and I thought that I could deal with it alone and I didn’t need medication. I still stand by that today. I had an episode a while ago and my doctor had to increase my dose of medication, I felt awful because everything was great and then for no reason I felt hopeless again. But the new medication started to give me side effects, I could barely sleep for 2 hours a night because I was having such awful nightmares to the point where I was scared to go back to sleep. I wasn’t feeling any better, I was feeling physically sick so I stopped taking them. I got so bad that I fucked my job up and had to leave.

I’m still unemployed and I’m struggling to find another job because of the shit that happened at my last job. I got no support what so ever and it didn’t help that my boss was an absolute arsehole who had no idea how to talk to women. He made my depression worse because I did decide to be honest and confide in him about what I was going through and I just felt so betrayed when he acted like a dick to me. He tried to fire me while I was on the sick which is illegal may I just add and because I reminded that to him, he was never the same with me. Even though I still suffer with depression, it’s not always affecting me, I feel fine most of the time but when I’m down, it can take weeks – months to feel normal again and it doesn’t only affect me, it affects my family, my friends and my boyfriend and this is why it is so hard because they do try to help but I won’t accept it, I will ignore them and lock myself away because I just want to be alone. I know how hard it is, and recently there has been so much hate towards Mental Health conditions and I wish when I was first diagnosed with it, that there was somewhere I could go to know that someone else was going through the same thing, and this is why I have created this Blog.

It’s something really important to me and I will defend Mental Health til I die. I have a friend who suffers from Bipolar and Anxiety who also has a Blog, check it out in future posts, we have decided to collab and work together to make the Mental Health topic a better place, a place where people can be comfortable to talk about their problems and feel completely safe. I will be posting regularly weekly, I would like to say everyday but I just can’t promise as some days I just feel so low I cannot function. But I reckon it is something people can understand.

I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my blog and I would like to offer if you are going through a hard time, I will take the time to talk to you so please don’t hesitate to email me.