I’ve Had An Awesome Day

So I started today by waking up with excruciating cramps in my abdomen to finally realise I have diarrhoea AGAIN. This is the 2nd time in less than a week that I have suffered with it and I get it regularly, maybe once/twice every month or every 2 months. I always put it down to eating something that was off or out of date. But now I know it isn’t. Both times this week I’ve had fresh food and good meals so it was confusing to say the least. When I had it a few days ago, I ate the same thing as my mother and my boyfriend and they were fine but a few hours later/a day after I had ate, I had the bad cramps again and had to use the toilet. It didn’t last long but it isn’t the point. Thursday, I cooked a new recipe, a chicken alfredo pasta but I didn’t have butter to make the sauce so I used Philadelphia cheese, 2 cloves of garlic and milk. When I sat down to eat, all I could taste was Garlic, it was nice but a bit too strong for my liking. The recipe said to use 4 cloves so I can’t imagine how it would of tasted with 4. All I could smell for the rest of the day was Garlic, I had to wash my hands with salt and febreeze my bed because even though I ate at the table, my blanket did smell of garlic which I found weird.

Anyway, so I ate my meal, it was alright, had better, but it was good for me to cook it for the first time. Fast forward Friday morning, I had an appointment with my work coach (who helps me find work) at 2:40pm which I had to cancel and rearrange because I wasn’t well, I had woken up at 10am with really bad cramps, I can’t even describe the pain, it literally feels like your insides have ruptured, I thought it was menstrual cramps at first but then I thought “No I need to go to the toilet”. I could not be away from the toilet for more than a minute for a good 2 hours, it was awful, the worst I’ve ever suffered with it. So now I am starting to get concerned because I get cramps and diarrhoea more often than I’d like to admit even though my diet isn’t bad. So now I’m starting to think maybe I’m lactose intolerant because it always seems I get it when I eat more dairy than normal. But when I was younger, I suffered with constipation a lot so I’m also thinking I suffer with IBS. I have already seen a doctor about my bowels but she didn’t diagnose with me anything, I told her my symptoms and she printed off a leaflet of symptoms for IBS, it did not help at all so now I think another trip to the doctors is a must.

Anyway, I took some Imodium tablets which made me better, so I decided to go visit my sister and my nephew (recently born) as I was feeling alright. Me and my mum decided to take my nephew off my sisters hands so she could have a few hours to herself, so we did bring him to our place for a good 4/5 hours and entertained him and he was so happy. He is only 3-5 months old but to see him smile is the most beautiful thing ever and he has amazing eyes, he is going to be a heartbreaker when he grows up and I hate kids…but he is the exception. Last time I seen him, I decided to play peek-a-boo with him and I think I shocked him and he cried and then for about an hour, he cried when I walked into the room. Ofcourse he got used to me, my brother came over to see us and our nephew today, and he stuck his tongue out to him and he cried so now the unhappy curse has passed onto him which I am very happy about haha. But I had a really good day spending time with my nephew, he is such a handsome little lad. 

I had already organised for a few friends to come over for a few drinks and a catch up but because I was suffering with bad diarrhoea, I didn’t know how I was going to feel but I ended up being fine (thanks to Imodium). So after spending time with my nephew, I decided to clean my hamsters cage out and put her in her exercise ball to let her have a run around and spend some time with her and it was really nice. After that I decided to clean my room as my friends were coming over and of course I don’t want to have a messy room. My room looked like a palace after I was finished, I was so proud. My friend called me to say they’d be here in 20 mins, 45 mins had past so I was getting annoyed and concerned and she wasn’t answering my messages so I thought something happened but no it hadn’t, she had just went back for another friend who didn’t know if she was joining us but when they finally arrived, I was happy that they were here safe and hadn’t got into a crash or something, So we all had a good gossip and a laugh, I was the first drunk (shock), I think they were all pretty much tired since they had worked all week so they arrived at about 8pm and left at 11:30pm, so they weren’t here long but it really meant a lot to me that they came anyway to see me and spend time with me, that is something I will always be grateful for and cherish, even though I did feel a bit sad that they left early but we had talked and had a good night together and that is all that matters.

So when they left, I found myself half drunk, not really knowing what to do with myself as Liam (my partner) was out on the town on a night out with his work friends so I didn’t really have anyone to talk to, but then I decided to browse Facebook and I watched a video of this girl making weird faces for a game with music. Then I looked at the caption and it said ‘Facedance’. So then I thought, “Yes I am going to download that”. Then I pretty much was attempting to win for a good hour but I was also having fun, I found it so amusing and it made me really happy to just act silly and daft. It made me happy because I was really gutted and sad that my friends went home early but then I had this funny app to entertain me, it may not seem much to you but even though most things that happen to me are shit, I find the littlest things encourage me to feel better and make me happy. 

I know most people didn’t click on this post to see me talking about diarrhoea, but it was apart of my day. A few things haven’t went my way today but I have still found little things to make me feel happy and that’s what is really important when you suffer with mental health issues. I hear stories from friends who know other people who suffer with depression and they just can’t function or get out of bed and to think that used to be me less than a year ago. I have come so far, even though I am still unemployed, I have had a few job interviews since and I am trying so hard to just get my career started and I won’t stop trying no matter what. This may sound very offensive to some people but I think it is good for me to suffer with depression and anxiety because I’m mostly thinking negatively so I am always prepared for the worst, so when the worst comes, I am more prepared than anyone else and can deal with it and be there for everyone else and I’ll know what to do.

I apologize if I have rambled on this post but this has been the best day because a lot of things haven’t went my way but some things have and I am grateful for that. Again thank you so much for reading my blog, every view counts, I just want people to know that it is normal to feel like this and the fact I can openly talk about it feels a lot better, I would not have dreamt of doing this a year ago. So thank you very much, it means a lot to me. Until next time. x

Reaching Your Goals

“Ever since I was 16 years old, I always said to myself that I would make something of my life and have my own place and be independent when I turned 18.”

 

So for people who read my blog weekly, you will know I have got a job interview and its….TOMORROW. Yes, tomorrow, I am really excited about it because if I get it, it will certainly take me places and solve a lot of my problems and help a lot with my depression. I keep having conversations with myself as if I’m talking to the interviewer to plan what I am going to say but I know when I walk into that room, my mind will go blank and I will just improvise, but I’ve never had a bad interview so hopefully this one isn’t going to be bad either! 

Although this job will be working 12 hour shifts from Monday – Thursday, I honestly don’t care, because it will be good money for me and I will finally be able to get a car and move out on my own, goals I’ve had since I was just 18 years old. It will definitely help me get my independence back and make me realise that I don’t need anyone to live but myself, and I think that might just shock a few people. Especially my mum, she won’t know what to do when I am not living with her, she will have to do all the house work herself and look after our dog but to be honest, I am very tempted to take our dog with me as she will have a better life. She won’t be able to nag me or pick faults with me anymore and overall I think I will have a much better relationship with my mother if we’re not living together. 

The kind of money I will be getting if I do get this job, I have never had that much money at one time so I think it will be fairly easy for me to save atleast a few hundred a month into a savings account so when me and my boyfriend are ready to get our own house, we can both contribute. I do feel like I am getting ahead of myself a little bit too much because I know if I’m not successful, I’ll have to look elsewhere for a job and it may be less money for me then but either way, everything I have been given whether it has been a big amount or small amount, I have always made it work somehow and that’s pretty much my goal. Whatever happens in my life, yes I complain and I get upset and angry about things but I still take it and put up with it and get on with it like a human being should, it’s all we can do really.

Even though I have had suicidal thoughts and even attempted, my view on that has completely changed. I know that I am made for so much more than I have and I know I can do so much better once I get my life back and that is why I will not go back down that road, because I know I don’t need to. I am really proud of myself for thinking this way as it isn’t as easy for others, I think what helps the most is whenever I’m down or doubtful, I keep having the same vision of my future, and I will try and try to make that vision a reality. Although lets be honest, I would love to win the lottery and buy a big house and have everything I need in it but even if I got a small little flat which was affordable and a cheap car, I would consider my goals reached. It’s not the size of things that matters, its the determination you have to make them goals a reality. 

I will update the situation in a few days, so wish me luck, until next time. x

 

I’m Really Sick Of This Anxiety

For the past 2 weeks I’ve been sitting here worrying about stupid shit every night, always having that voice inside of my mind making it’s own scenarios up for things that will probably never happen. I never used to over think about things this much and it’s making me really angry more than anything. What is annoying me even more is the fact it’s making me think that it’s my ‘gut feeling’ that is channelling through me when it isn’t, so it’s getting in the way of my protector. 

I call it my protector because I can usually tell when things aren’t right, no matter what the situation is and I can usually act before the bad shit happens, unless it’s inevitable. The night my dad died, I didn’t sleep at all but had no idea why I couldn’t sleep. I knew straight away when my cat was ill and dying before she had even been to the vets or before anyone else noticed. I knew my mother was having a stroke before she did. I know these are all things that pretty much everyone can tell are bad, I’ve always known before they’ve happened and before anyone else noticed. I knew when my first serious boyfriend was cheating on me and when exactly he was going to break up with me. 

It’s little things such as, I’ll be invited out somewhere by a friend and I will get ready and while I am, I’m slow and I’m unmotivated because I already know it’s not worth leaving the house for, whatever it is I’m going out to do, it’s not going to be good, something bad will happen. I’ve even went into my mothers room before because I had this really bad feeling and she was on the phone to my sister because she felt funny and was scared that she was having another stroke but didn’t want to scare me. She ended up in hospital that night because of a friggin toothache. But it’s the vibe I got that worried me. Even when one of my friends has been out with other friends, I get this gut feeling that her night has went badly or something has happened and I’ve never been wrong. 

So you can really imagine how frustrating it is for me to have this stupid voice inside of my head telling me things that aren’t true and because it won’t stop, it triggers me to feel that something isn’t right even when it has been the total opposite. I really can’t tell if it even is Anxiety because I was never really diagnosed with it alongside my Depression. We all over think when we’re lying in bed and remember how cringy that situation was 10 years ago. But this is something else, when my Depression has decided to sit aside and leave me alone until next time, this new anxious feeling is fucking with my mind to the point it’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last when I go to sleep. The scenarios this voice in my head has made up…have now actually turned into nightmares. I find myself worrying a lot about things that don’t matter much for example: not knowing where I’m going when I travel to new locations and cringe at the thought of having to even go somewhere where I am not familiar with. 

Which is awful, I don’t want to be this way, I want to be able to do new things and be comfortable with doing them and now it just seems I can’t. Even though I worry about these things, I’ll still go ahead and do them because I have to. I know I’m not the only one that goes through something like this, I’m sure a lot of people do. I don’t have a coping mechanism for it, I just sit and worry and there is no end. When I tell people my worries, they act as if I’m being pathetic. So is it not so normal as I thought it was?

I don’t know, if it wasn’t for the fact that I don’t normally feel this way, I’d probably say it’s just because I’m a woman……I joke obviously, I’m not a sexist prick but nothing wrong with humour. But the issue is real, I have a job interview next week and I’ve told 8 people and 5 people have congratulated me and none of them were my family. How sad is that? I could win the Olympics and save a thousand children form a burning building and people would still find fault. 

If I get this job, I’m going to start my driving lessons again and get a car. Then next on my list is to move out and get away from all the negative people surrounding me. I’m sick of depending on others when I used to be so independent. 5/6 years ago, if people treated me the way they do now, I’d tell them to sod off and wouldn’t give two shits. But now, I feel like I’m so weak, someone says something horrible to me and I will be upset about it for days. Someone treats me like crap now, I just sit there and take it because I’m afraid I’m going to end up alone with no one in my life who even cares. 

The only things I can do, is slowly try to get my independence back because it disappeared a long time ago, wish me luck…until next time. x

My Struggle With Losing Weight

I was always skinny until I reached the age of 17, that’s when I started to put weight on. It makes me sad because at my prom, I thought I was fat even though I was wearing a size 6 dress and now I look back at the photos and I think “I was so stupid”. Every time I was feeling down or upset, I would just eat to solve my problems. What I was eating wasn’t necessarily bad but it was the fact that I couldn’t sleep at night, which was making me have sandwiches late at night or making something heavy which would just lie on my stomach and I would feel like crap the next day.

Last year, I wasn’t that bothered about my weight, I’d still wear clothes that showed my figure off and I just thought that I looked curvy which I kinda liked. But fast forward a couple months, me and Liam (my boyfriend) were ordering Dominos pizza most weeks and we would always get the big dips with it! Until recently we found out that the big dips have almost 700 calories in them. We were having one each! The pizza must have had enough calories never mind the dips! So we both said we didn’t really want to have another dominos pizza because having them maybe once every other week did make us gain so much weight, Liam has currently lost half a stone and I didn’t realise until the weekend when his clothes looked baggy, I was and still am very jealous! But recently, I’ve noticed a few people have called me fat, people I don’t even know. When I put pictures up or make a video, random people comment and call me fat and its sad and I think that’s what made me want to change. 

Recently, I’ve been so insecure about my weight, if I wear a top that shows my arms, I will either keep a jacket on or wear a jumper instead, I think if I was taller, I wouldn’t look so bad but because I’m small, I look bigger than I actually am. Anyway a couple months ago, I decided to start eating better, I was actually having breakfast and then I would have fruit for a snack in between meals and I was having meat with veg for almost every meal. But I still wasn’t losing as much as I’d hoped. So I got really unmotivated by it so I just went back to normal. I think my weakness is carbs, pasta has to be my favourite meal! Every time I have it, I do try to put in some chicken or veg or even have a pasta salad instead of just pasta with fattening sauce.

So a couple weeks ago, I just made little changes, I don’t eat bread much anymore so I don’t have sandwiches. Sandwiches don’t really appeal to me anymore though, now, I just normally have one meal a day with lots of water. So while I was eating normal dinners, every time I needed a drink or even when I didn’t, I would just have water. Probably consuming about 7-8 cups of water a day. I think I drank a lot of water last week too, I normally like to drink Pepsi, I love fizzy pop (soda) and its definitely my weakness but for the last couple weeks, I never bought any so when I needed a drink, I was just drinking water, one after the other and I noticed that I wasn’t eating as much and wasn’t as hungry. I know that sometimes thirst can be confused with hunger. So I stepped on the scale three weeks ago, and I was 11 stone 13. Last week I was 11 stone 10.

Out of curiosity, about 20 minutes ago, I stepped on the scale to see if I had gained any weight from the weekend as me and Liam went to a tapas place and had a few drinks, but to my surprise, I’ve lost another 4lbs. I’m now 11 stone 6. All from making small changes and not really realising I was doing it. I have my dinner cooking now and I am having chicken breast filled with a garlic and herb Philadelphia sauce, with broccoli and sweetcorn! It isn’t that hard for me to eat veg cause I do love it! I think now I can actually see progress, I will continue to do what I’m doing and hopefully be able to fit back into my size 10 clothes! I can’t really see a difference on my body but I see myself everyday so I would have to lose a significant amount to see changes but I’m really happy with the progress! I know that probably having one meal a day isn’t the best way to lose weight but it just means I’ve cut down my calories a lot and the more water I drink, I just don’t feel hungry! 

I know this wasn’t an instructive post but I just felt really happy when I seen the scale so I wanted to share it! Thanks for reading. 

There Will Always Be Trolls

Tonight I decided that I would like to try something new. I had heard of Youtubers doing this thing called Story Time. So I decided to make a video about my paranormal experiences. It was literally only up for an hour and I had already gotten a comment. So I thought “Wow a comment already”. Little did I know, it was this guy who decided to call me a liar, said I should kill myself, I was a fat whore and a fat slob and most impressively…..I was…autistic. Yes, you read that correctly, autistic. As soon as I read it, I couldn’t help but laugh my arse off. I’ve heard all the other words before but autistic has to be a new one. Hey, there is a first time for everything.

I think what made me laugh the most is the fact I must have offended him so much that he got so angry. But most importantly, the fact he used the word autistic as an insult. He definitely must be an uneducated moron to not realise that autistic is not an insult. I definitely know that people with Autism find it hard to communicate with other like the rest of us do. So to comment on a video of someone speaking clearly, confidently and without hesitation and call them autistic is a bit backward don’t you think?

I did not respond to his comment because to be honest, he was not worth my time. I reported him instead, but did make a video immediately after explaining how to respond to trolls and I am so ready to receive the abusive comments. At the end of the day I don’t take shit from anyone and if they want to watch my video and comment on it then jokes on them, as they’re giving me more views and popularity.

Entertaining people, making people smile and reaching out to people online, is what makes me happy and just because some troll insults me, it doesn’t mean I am going to give up. I feel sorry for them that their life must be so shit that they’re sat in their mothers basement with the lights off in their boxer shorts, attempting to insult people because their life is so crap. I am actually thankful for that comment cause I have not laughed like that in a long time. I think it would be very amusing for you to see this. 

So if you’re interested, I will leave the link to my YouTube channel below so you can watch the aftermath of this, again thanks for reading. XO

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzW9pnSOA1rG3eYd6a9eCfg

How My Depression Started

So I realise I should have probably made this one of my first posts on here but I’ve never really thought about this subject until now. I have struggled a lot with this so how it became, was never really on my mind. When I think about it, things really do start to add up in my mind even from years ago. I can’t be entirely sure of when it started or when it developed. I remember being as young 13 when I not long just started high school. I was always having one day absent from school each week. I always said to my mum that I wasn’t feeling well. She just took it as me being lazy, maybe I was, who knows? But I just remember feeling like I couldn’t and didn’t want to move from my bed and would remain there for the rest of the day. I never really thought anything of it because I wasn’t affected by Depression then. 

I did relatively well in school, got good grades and I had a lot of friends. I never felt lonely and always felt loved. Boyfriends came and went, didn’t really matter to me, I was more interested in spending my time with friends, if something came along then it did, if it didn’t, then it didn’t, whatever. The school itself, was bollocks. It was shit, we had an awesome head teacher who was replaced by an awful person. There was always something off about him and later on in the years, we all found that out to be very true and disturbing. I hated the way the school was, it’s appearance and most of the teachers were just awful. But still, thanks to my friends, I loved it, they made it all better, they were the only thing keeping me in school to be honest. Sometimes I thought I would just run off and never go back. 

In this paragraph, I want to talk about my dad and it will become relevant soon enough. He had been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember but to me, he was never a bad dad, we had our issues but he was the only man in my life that I loved. Him and my mum were together for almost 20 years, I think. The way he changed and who he became, was not good for my mum so she finally got smart and dumped his ass. He got his own place and I went to see him every Thursday and Friday. He would always be drinking, but he would always make sure I was entertained, fed and happy while I was there. He eventually got the spare room done out for me to stay over. I stayed over a couple of times but it didn’t feel right to me, I think in the back of my mind, I knew that he wasn’t well and I didn’t really want to wake up the next day and find him not waking up, I was very uneasy. It didn’t help that he told me his flat was haunted too. When I said I wanted to go home, he did become angry because he sorted out the spare room for me and I didn’t wanna stay there, I can understand his frustration but I was too young to understand and I cried so my brother came and got me and took me back home. Obviously over the years I started to grow older, I would visit him of my own accord, he was really kind, he would always give me pocket money and buy me and my friends pizza when we were there. One day he decided to move, which meant I had to get on a bus to go see him now which was fine but because of growing older and having things to do, I didn’t see him often. Everytime I did see him, he was vomiting in a bucket while trying to talk to me, he could see what he was doing to himself and he still continued. He did try a couple times to go to rehab and he was doing well, he went from using a walking stick to being able to walk better completely and being more energetic but he relapsed.

One day Ill never forget, my 14 year old self sitting there talking to him and he says he needs to tell me something. He tells me that he doesn’t think he’s going to make it to my 15th birthday. I shrugged it off because, who wants to hear that? He was right and wrong. He did make it to my 15th birthday, he called up my mum to wish me happy birthday, but I was out ice skating with my friends. He said he would call back when I was home. He never did. He NEVER forgot my birthday, ever. My stepdad was the one who told me he actually did die that day because my mum couldn’t, I didn’t find this out until a few years later though. It’s awful but it’s heart warming in a way because he must have known his time was up but he held on, to wish me happy birthday, and those were the last words he probably ever spoke. We were kind of expecting it soon enough as he got sicker by the day, but not that soon. I was absent from school for 2 weeks, right when I had to complete coursework to get my grades. The major coursework I had them few weeks was Science, and we had to complete 2 booklets. I hadn’t even done half of the first one and when I went back to school I must have only done a couple pages. My science teacher passed me anyway because of the circumstances.

My dads death didn’t shock me as much as I thought it would, I was still screaming and crying when I find out though. He left his guitar and piano to me, my sister sold the guitar which I was very pissed off at. Anyway, I think maybe that was a trigger? Because around 16/17 was when I started feeling the way I did and started hurting myself. If I talk about my dad, I don’t get upset, I’m absolutely comfortable talking about it in front of anyone, I don’t think its something anyone can really get over but they still accept it, death is an inevitability and it will reach us all some time. I think my Depression definitely worsened when we moved out of our house, couldn’t really tell you why but every single major incident I’ve had due to Depression has been in this flat, where I’m sat typing this right now. I think when I move out and get a place of my own, I will feel a lot better knowing I’m not in a place reminding me of where I have made so many mistakes.

Eating Disorders

I don’t particularly link myself with this mental health issue, I do overeat sometimes when I’m upset but that’s just because I’m greedy shit. Anyway, I do know a few people who do struggle with this on a daily basis but I won’t name them out of respect. It is sad to see that people starve themselves or throw up when they’ve eaten because they look in the mirror and all they see is fat, which could be linked to Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Bulimia. 

I do know one girl who, to me, has a nice figure, skinny, but toned, really good figure, but I recently found out that she does suffer with Bulimia or/and an Eating Disorder. I know her personally and is someone I see quite frequently and she’s a really nice girl, talkative, fun and a genuine person. But I see her statuses on Facebook and she’s constantly posting about her weight and I just wish she could see what I see through my eyes. Myself, I am overweight for my height, I’m not really fat or obese or anything but I am short, I’m like 5 foot. Don’t really want to mention my weight but because I am short, I look heavier than I actually am. If I was average height, I would be considered an average weight. 

I have tried so many diets, it’s ridiculous. I have tried not eating and just drinking water, I have tried vomiting after a big meal but I literally have a phobia of vomit so that did not turn out well. Obviously, the only way to lose weight is to eat less and move more. But I really cannot be bothered to gym it 4-5 days a week. I have exercise dvd’s I could use and I did do it for a good few weeks but I never really seen any improvement so I stopped. I expect too much too soon, and that is my weakness, I have no motivation! I think it would help a lot if I had someone to gym it with, then I would feel more confident about it. 

I do also have a friend who was so insecure about her weight, she stopped eating for a while and was bringing up bile and vomiting all the time. I think she is in such a better place now though and whenever she feels she needs to lose weight, she goes to the gym instead of other alternatives which is an amazing improvement. But I think whenever we all look in the mirror, we all see faults with ourselves and there is always going to be something that we don’t like about ourselves. It really our job to love ourselves and look after the bodies that we were given. 

What annoys me though is when someone who is a size 12/14, is considered fat or plus sized. Really? That is the average size of a woman in the UK I’m sure. Not every person can have thigh gaps or small hips, every person is born with a different body structure which is why some women have wide hips and a big ass whereas some women have small hips. I’m one of those women who cannot have a thigh gap and I’ve never really been bothered by it, if I lost a bit of weight, I’d be curvyish as I’ve always had wide hips, big boobs and thighs that touch. But to some people, that is what you call fat. I think people just need to get it into their head that not everyone was born with the same body structure so no matter much weight I lose, I will never look like Kate Moss, not that it’s a goal of mine but you get the point. 

For anyone who does get bullied because of their weight or you have an eating disorder, just remember, you can gain or lose the weight, them people can’t change their crap personality. I know I don’t have much advice on the subject but just wanted to put my opinion forward of personal experience! If you love yourself the way you are, you’ll find people notice your confidence and that is much more important than worrying about how you look in the mirror!

Post Traumatic Disorder

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is an anxiety disorder caused by a very stressful, frightening or distressing events. 

Someone with PTSD often relives the traumatic event through nightmares and flashbacks, and may experience feelings of isolation, irritability and guilt. They may also have problems sleeping, such as insomnia, and find concentrating difficult. These symptoms are often severe and persistent enough to have a significant impact on the person’s day-to-day life.

These are the main symptoms of PTSD, may not be all symptoms, please remember I am not a therapist:

• violent personal assaults, such as sexual assault, mugging or robbery
• prolonged sexual abuse, violence or severe neglect
• witnessing violent deaths
• military combat
• being held hostage

PTSD can develop immediately after someone experiences a disturbing event or it can occur weeks, months or even years later. PTSD is estimated to affect about 1 in every 3 people who have a traumatic experience, but it’s not clear exactly why some people develop the condition and others don’t. 

When To Seek Medical Advice:

It’s normal to experience upsetting and confusing thoughts after a traumatic event, but most people improve over a few weeks. You should visit your doctor if you or your child are still having problems about four weeks after the traumatic experience, or if the symptoms are particularly troublesome. If necessary, your doctor can refer you to mental health specialists for further assessment and treatment.

How PTSD Is Treated:

PTSD can be successfully treated, even when it develops many years after a traumatic event. Any treatment depends on the severity of symptoms and how soon they occur after the traumatic event. Any of the following treatment options may be recommended:

• Watchful waiting – monitoring your symptoms to see whether they improve or get worse without treatment.
• Psychotherapy – such as trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR). 
• Antidepressants – such as paroxetine or mirtazapine.

STAY POSITIVE!!

 

 

Facing Your Fears

Even though I didn’t get that job I mentioned a few posts ago, I’ve been talking to my friend who helps me with my issues and she said she knows someone who is an employer and are looking to hire for The Crisis Charity. Which is basically a charity that helps homeless people I think, not too sure, I haven’t read much into it as I don’t know if I will be offered an interview quite just yet. Anyway she recommended for an interview and is going to let me know more information about it tomorrow which I’m excited about! 

At first when she told me about it, I wasn’t sure, because yes it is in the field I want to have a career in (Administration) but it’s also helping people face to face too and as I have said, I do struggle with communicating with people I’m not familiar with. But at the end of the day, I have been unemployed for almost 5 months now and I can’t just stay like this until a job comes up where it suits my needs. I need to dive in and have more experience with the field, when you’re unemployed for a long time, you don’t really have much time or choice to be picky in the jobs that you want. 

So I just thought, fuck it, I’m gonna do it, I’m not goint to get anywhere if I don’t face my fears! My friend has put me forward for it and is gonna let me know about it tomorrow as I’ve said. She also said it is really good pay also, so that would be a plus! All I want, is to be back on my feet again and be happy in my job, but I know some people stay in jobs they hate because they can’t afford to leave. I couldn’t really afford to leave my old job with the amount of bills I have but I think people forget that your mental health is more important than money. Yes it’s awful if you’re really struggling to the point where you’re wondering where your next meal is coming from but there are places you can go to get help.

No one should ever be ashamed of asking for help either, life isn’t easy and to be honest, no one said it was. It could take years to find yourself and to find out what you really want to do with your life but every moment is precious, don’t let a job that you hate and is making you miserable take over your life, it’s what I did and the result was not positive. Even though I am still unemployed and on benefits, I don’t have much money but I feel a lot happier than I was 5 month ago. I’ve did little things to improve my mental health such as, go for walks and be active and do things on the weekend instead of being stuck in my bedroom wondering what my life has come to. I know it’s unrelated but I’ve finally learnt how to contour and do my make up professionally, I know it’s not a big deal but little things like that, that you want to improve on and then finally do, can make you feel so much better about yourself. With all mental health issues, people feel like they’re a failure and cannot do anything right, well that is not true and it never will be. 

Stay positive guys!

New Mental Health Disorder?

Lastnight, me and my boyfriend had lovely quiet night in, we had a few drinks and watched Glastonbury live on TV. It was so cosy just being able to sit and watch TV in the front room while my mum was working the night, having the place to ourselves. It was a really lovely night. Today we woke up fairly early, got ready and headed to the Life Centre which is basically a centre for science, where adults and children can take part in active activities to learn about life, for example; Aurora, Dinosaurs, How light was made and all that stuff, it was fun. But this morning before we even got ready, Liam was in the shower and I just felt this doom come down on me like a sack of bricks. Like I was afraid to leave the house.

I felt really upset and I didn’t know why, it really annoyed me because I had been looking forward to it. But I just started to dread even getting ready. I just didn’t wanna leave my bed and felt like crying. Nothing was wrong with me at all, and I just felt so fucking stupid for feeling the way I did. I didn’t tell Liam either because I know he likes to go out and do things on a weekend and not be stuck in the house, especially in summer time when its really hot! I didn’t want him thinking that I was being stupid and embarrass myself. So we went out, went to the life centre, then we were going to go bowling but the place was fully booked so we just went for a few drinks and a meal instead! We went to a Mexican restaurant which was really nice! I did forget my keys though, so we had to leave early which kinda sucked, but all in all, I had a good day.

Just I cant shake off how I felt this morning. Sometimes I feel that way a lot, even when I don’t need to leave the house to do anything, I just worry so much as if I feel like something is going to happen. I don’t know why. When I was diagnosed with Depression, I wasn’t diagnosed with Anxiety along with it and its never really affected me until recently. Its came to the point where one of my friends has asked me to come out and go on a drive and I’ve had to make an excuse up because I just felt like I couldn’t socialise at that time. I used to be such a party animal and a socialite. But now, it feels like everything has changed. I don’t like to be in a group or a lot of peoples company because I feel nervous and anxious, even if I know them personally. 

I don’t know if I’m just over reacting or if I genuinely have a problem with anxiety. Maybe I should see a doctor? I hate calling them and making appointments though, I hate being on the phone to anyone. I would really appreciate some advice if anyone has any! Thank you for reading. X